How to Get Drunk on Two Beers

Aboard the USS Towers in the North Arabian Sea and Straights of Hormuz, 1988.

The U.S. Navy is the only one in the world that doesn't allow some alcoholic beverages on board its ships. When I was aboard Towers, the rule was 45 days at sea got each crewmember two beers. Commander Burrows thought it would be better since it was nearly Christmas, to push that number closer to 53 days before opening the secure storage and passing out Milwaukee’s Best!

You'd be amazed, people went to the aft food stores area to peek through any opening they could find to see what kind of beer was onboard. Like it mattered!

Well, the 53rd day finally came. I stood a double watch (2nd &3rd) so someone else could take advantage of the day - in exchange I would get a break overnight. Little did I know I would need it.

I did get my cheeseburger off the grill for lunch but I had to wait until after I got off watch to get and drink the beer.

When 4pm finally came, I wandered down to the mt 52 area and signed for my 24 ounces of brew. A friend of mine had done the same double watch and was with me (although I can not remember who it was).

You don't get to walk off with the beer. You have to drink it right there. So we sat down and talked about how to make the most of it.

I lit a cigarette and it hit me.

I was pretty new at smoking and if I overdid it I would get dizzy and lightheaded. So I said why don't we -quickly- smoke a bunch of cigarettes, guzzle a beer down, and quietly smoke another while we sip the second beer?

Sounded good to my friend (Greg Mrozinski?) so he said, "The whole pack", I thought that was too much - we split the pack and puffed our lungs full of nicotine and whatever else is in those things.

My head was spinning when I reached for that first beer.

I chugged it down.

I couldn’t smoke another - so I just sat there, staring at the afternoon sun shimmering off the waves, sipping that second beer.

Now, I don't believe I was drunk - but it certainly felt like it.  

Mission accomplished.

To some degree we can control more of ourselves than we think we can.  If I can make my body and mind feel intoxicated when I’m clearly not, I should be able to do better at controlling the darkness when it roars in for a stay. 

Help in learning how to actually do that is out there. For those who look for it.