Royal Australian Navy vs the U.S. Navy

Aboard the USS Towers DDG 9 in the South China Sea, 1987 - Operating with the Royal Australian Navy DDG the HMAS Perth

I think it was a Sunday, I’m note sure why that’s important but there you go. We’d been conducting joint exercises with the Australian and British Navy for about a week when we found ourselves operating with the HMAS Perth.

I’m not quite sure what we were doing but we ended up with the Perth just a couple hundred yards off our Starboard beam. Both ships seemed to slow and stop, we bobbed around for a little bit. This wasn’t an ordinary thing, so people began to gather on deck to see what was going on. So did the crew on the Perth. In-fact, they began to yell and hold up something in their hands… The aft lookout took a look with the binoculars and reported they were holding up beer cans… and drinking beer.

Of course we started to moan and groan about how we don’t get that privilege in the U.S. Navy (see next story). It was about that time when Captain Burrows made an announcement. While this is not an exact quote it’s close, “Since the HMAS Perth was once an American Adams Class DDG exactly like Towers and the Australians have made many changes to her power plant we were going to conduct a test – not a race – but an ‘acceleration comparison’ of the two ships. All hands not on watch are invited topside to witness the test.”

Cool.

The same announcement was made aboard the Perth. We couldn’t hear it but we certainly heard the yells of the crew that had made their way topside.

The Captain gets on the 1MC again, “We’ve agreed to begin when Towers sounds her whistle”.

The ships horn rang out a few second later and the Towers began to shudder. The entire ship shook and we began to push forward. So did the Perth.

It wasn’t long before both ships –side by side – were kicking along pretty good.

Then it happened.

The Aussies began to pull away…

An entire line of crew on the Perth turned around and “mooned” us. They were pulling away and rubbing it in our faces.

But at that very moment – with their shorts down – the HMAS Perth blew her safeties and all her steam vented out of the stacks! They slowed and slowed, her crew looked shocked – they knew they were out of the race.

Of course we started to laugh and jeer, I’m sure they heard and saw all kinds of things from us in the 20-seconds before Towers caught up and immediately blew her safeties!

Towers, just like the Perth had completely lost power.

There we were, side-by-side, adrift while engineering worked to get the boilers rocking again.

That image always makes me smile. We were sitting there, two powerful Navy Guided Missile Destroyers from two maritime world power nations… adrift without power because we both pushed it just a little too much.

I always wondered what kind of paperwork, if any, reflected that “exercise” of the HMAS Perth and the USS Towers!

How to Get Drunk on Two Beers

Aboard the USS Towers in the North Arabian Sea and Straights of Hormuz, 1988.

The U.S. Navy is the only one in the world that doesn't allow some alcoholic beverages on board its ships. When I was aboard Towers, the rule was 45 days at sea got each crewmember two beers. Commander Burrows thought it would be better since it was nearly Christmas, to push that number closer to 53 days before opening the secure storage and passing out Milwaukee’s Best!

You'd be amazed, people went to the aft food stores area to peek through any opening they could find to see what kind of beer was onboard. Like it mattered!

Well, the 53rd day finally came. I stood a double watch (2nd &3rd) so someone else could take advantage of the day - in exchange I would get a break overnight. Little did I know I would need it.

I did get my cheeseburger off the grill for lunch but I had to wait until after I got off watch to get and drink the beer.

When 4pm finally came, I wandered down to the mt 52 area and signed for my 24 ounces of brew. A friend of mine had done the same double watch and was with me (although I can not remember who it was).

You don't get to walk off with the beer. You have to drink it right there. So we sat down and talked about how to make the most of it.

I lit a cigarette and it hit me.

I was pretty new at smoking and if I overdid it I would get dizzy and lightheaded. So I said why don't we -quickly- smoke a bunch of cigarettes, guzzle a beer down, and quietly smoke another while we sip the second beer?

Sounded good to my friend (Greg Mrozinski?) so he said, "The whole pack", I thought that was too much - we split the pack and puffed our lungs full of nicotine and whatever else is in those things.

My head was spinning when I reached for that first beer.

I chugged it down.

I couldn’t smoke another - so I just sat there, staring at the afternoon sun shimmering off the waves, sipping that second beer.

Now, I don't believe I was drunk - but it certainly felt like it.  

Mission accomplished.

To some degree we can control more of ourselves than we think we can.  If I can make my body and mind feel intoxicated when I’m clearly not, I should be able to do better at controlling the darkness when it roars in for a stay. 

Help in learning how to actually do that is out there. For those who look for it.