She cautiously approached a subject, a thought that occurred to her, and she asked me a simple question. “Do you think it’s possible you are putting many of your negative experiences from childhood and whatever else into this more easily acceptable method to cope?”
You often say you feel less than worthy to share this horrible event you were a part of. That it somehow was not as big of a deal. Well, if that’s not a big deal then what about the childhood abduction? The name change, and all the drama for decades surrounding one parents extreme dislike of the other.
Simply put, “are you putting all your pain into this box?”
((Very long pause))
I don’t think so, but I’ve never thought about it.
Am I putting all this pain here with Liberty 603?
After a minute or more I said “I don’t think I am, I mean the leaving of these two aviators to die is a lot bigger and heavier than my life experiences as a child. So, no. I don’t think that’s the case.”
I have to admit though, it’s an intriguing question. I’ve packed up a lot of negative emotions and experiences over my sixty years, but Liberty 603, Chris and Kevin, are the biggest piece of luggage I carry.
Still mulling it over… But more and more believe each experience is packed away in its own case.
It’s the only way to deal with the stuff. And the idea that I can off-load some of this heaviness from smaller things sooner - helps me focus more on the big heavy one I’m still hauling around.
So, no. It’s not all packed together to help me process it all. In fact, it’s best packed away separately to make addressing it simpler.
What therapy brings isn’t a bellman to carry my bags. But I get coaching on how to carry them all together and deal with the overlapping issues. By doing that I can decrease the number of crates I’m lugging around - eventually - hopefully - especially if we all keep talking, and dealing with it.
Thank you baby. Thanks for helping me take a good close look at how I’ve been doing this.
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