Lost on his birthday

There are two dates floating around the internet about this incident. I go with August 14th versus August 7th as the date Liberty 603 went off the flight deck of the USS Midway and slammed into the North Arabian Sea at 0200.  The E2-C aircraft - the same one pictured here, had five personnel aboard. 

The USS Towers was in plane-guard position 1500 yards astern of Midway and we were first on the scene. The details of all that unfolded after that are well documented in this blog. Three of the five personnel were rescued. Two were lost forever that night. 

That means Lt. Kuhnigk lost his life just 72 hours after his 27th birthday. It most likely means he crashed into the ocean and was lost on his birthday. But declared lost by the Navy after 72 hours of searching. 

If I knew that, I'd forgotten it until tonight. 

Rest easy Lt. Kuhnigk and Ensign Christopher Mims, you are lost and missing, but you are held dearly in the hearts of your family and in those who were there that night. 

We honor your service at every opportunity.  I will continue to tell your stories. 

We never met, but I was there that night in August 1985 on that very dark moonless night on the North Arabian Sea. But I know we’ve met since then. Just in a different way. 

I'm not the only one who has carried some of you with them every day since. I know you know that now. 

This week - I will be honoring you both - and giving you a proper send off because I now know you don't want others to carry any guilt with them from that night. 

Oh how I wish that night had been different. 

I hope you can accept the ceremony happening on a Great Lake (an inland sea) instead of the North Arabian Sea.  

It's time to let go of what happened on that night. 

Thank you for understanding. 

With more respect than you can imagine, 

Kevin Osgood, BM2, Surface Rescue Swimmer, USN 

Don't Mess With the Ripples

Ripples.  They expand from the source of impact in perfect circles touching anything and everything around them. They started from something big. Bigger than the ripples. When we toss a rock into the water we tend to watch the ripples expand...  When something smashes into our lives that we feel negativity or shame about, we try endlessly to control the ripples. We don't want the darkness to hit other parts of our lives. We block out things, hide them, ignore, and let it simmer until it becomes 100 proof resentment that roars its way into the lives of those very same people we desperately want to protect. 

As I was exploring this with my VA therapist, I realized all the years of massive effort that went into trying to stop the ripples.  Trying to stop the inevitable with denial, both to myself and to others.  But mostly not trusting myself to deal with those ripples. Block em. 

Now I can see the madness of that and how it feeds the frustration and churns it into highly explosive resentment. I think about those resent filled explosions that had built up after years of denial. Even in the aftermath of those explosions, I never fessed up that I was trying to deal with something that I couldn't deal with... the ripples. 

My trying to block those ripped ripped into me, and pushed me to anxiety filled rage at times. Other in my life paid a price. For that I apologize, and I’m deeply sorry. 

Stop trying to control those ripples.  Let them roll through our life and let those you love know about them, give them a heads-up that they are there and how you feel. Give them the gift of supporting you. 

It's the only way to keep those ripples from becoming a tidal wave of frustration, resentment and anger. 

There is no one to be mad at. 

It happened. 

The rock hit the water - the ripples are flowing... don't try to control them. 

You can't.