While it took a few days and the bustle of the holidays to get past that evaluation session, I can see that some things happened within it that I hadn’t given mi h thought to.
When he asked, what did I do with these feelings in the hours and days after the incident? I paused, and expressed to him that life aboard ship is very busy and there’s not any time to stop and cry, or talk to someone. There’s simply too much happening on a deployed warship and no room for that.
I did recall talking about what happened with the ship’s swimmer and he told my Chief or my DIV O because within a week of the incident I was given the opportunity to apply to surface rescue swimmer school, and I did.
I was accepted.
Well… he asked how’s that go?
It went exceptionally well. I outswam pretty much every other candidate in the class. Was part of the top three of the class and quickly found myself back aboard my ship.
I had many more opportunities to swim for potential rescues. He asked how many people did I pull out?
None.
I explained the ocean is unforgiving and we were never again literally on the spot of an incident, we were always after the fact. All my swims were recovery of either people of their stuff.
While that’s not exactly the best news - the fact that my actionable moment - the only thing I could control was to get myself sent to that school so that I would never again be placed in the situation of watching shipmates die… from that point on I had the training and the skills to make sure they came home.
That realization was both refreshing and then dark again - as I wasn’t able to save anyone. Just their things.
But I did something about it - I became a swimmer.
Now where and what is my actionable steps to keep the darkness away? They’re literally everywhere. From more than 500 hours a year volunteering with the Coast Guard (Auxiliary) for boating safety. To Navy League and veterans efforts around NE Wisconsin.
It feels good to know back then when it was so fresh - I found an exceptional path forward.
I continue to do that as best I can.
It’s all any of us can do.
Gotta fight through those bad days. They are unforgiving - but we have to remember we pushed through the hardest time already and we can’t let the darkness take us now.
We’ve come to far.
I am (ok, was) as U.S. Navy Surface Rescue Swimmer. It was the hardest thing I ever accomplished - so if I can do that…..
