It's nearly a week into it and I have done literally nothing. I put clothes in the dryer and did a fast run through a grocery store so I'd have something to make bachelor food from. So, I guess that's something.
Tomorrow is Easter and kids and grandkids are coming to the house to see me. The place is a mess, and I am sitting here not liking living with this me.
I know it's not good to not like yourself, so I don't want to not like myself, but I'm a mess.
A few minutes ago I broke down. I miss my dog that I lost a year ago more than I miss my dad. What a statement that is huh?
We bought a camping trailer in hopes that we make time to get away together - just the two of us... and I'm scared we won't do it enough to make it worthwhile.
There is so much to do around here and the job takes SO MUCH time away from home life. Uhg.
But we will attack this one piece at a time.
It's Saturday and I have to go to work and take care of a project. Once that it done I can focus on cleaning up this mess in the house and getting some shopping done so that we can have an Easter tomorrow.
I deeply miss the company of my best friend, my confidant, my biggest supporter. She constantly reminds me of the good in me. This week has shown me that I do not do a good job of that. I let the negative rule and then have this desire to act out in a way to punish myself, or put myself at risk.
I chose not to do that today.
I'm going to work. Step one.
When that's complete - I'll tackle this house and celebrate that success.
We'll see how this goes.
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